October 27, 2008

Gott Damn Homie (My Minds Playing Tricks On Me)

Beast Man (from the eastside of Eternia) was stunned to learn that he was mistaken for perpetrator in Todd/Obama debacle.


Damn, Ash.....you f*cked up.

The picture above (not BM)? Ashley Todd.

Who is she? She's a supporter of Senator John McCain.

She claimed to have been attacked by supporters of Barack Obama.

It turns out that she lied about the whole f*cking thing.

Damn, Ash.

I know what you were thinking:

"I'll discredit Obama and everything he stands for by staging this attack and carving the letter 'B' in my face. Yeah....that's it....a 'B'. Eureka! His name begins with the letter 'B'! B stands for the word 'blue'. B stands for the word 'bumblebee'! B stands for the word 'boy'! Yay!!!!"

Dammit Ash!!! The man is a presidential nominee! You didn't think the police would investigate this shit?!?! You could have come up with a suspect a little more believable than gottdamn Barack "BarackTheSpot" Obama!

Next time you try some piss poor stunt like this, try a different "B" name to attach this shit to.

Some alternative options:

Billy Joel

Beowulf

Brainy Smurf

Blue Man Group

Bashful (from the 7 Dwarfs)

Benny & The Jets

Bruce Leroy

Beast Man

Bleek Gilliam

Mr. Belvedere

Blossom a.k.a. Miyam Bialik (Two B's for the price of one. Besides, in one episode of the show, Blossom thought Clair Huxtable was the ideal mom. Right there, ol' Bloss was conspiring w/Baracksta by aligning herself with the Huxtable family.....from BROOKLYN!!! Damn Ash!!! That's the perfect motive right there!)

Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)

Bam Bam Bigelow

Big Daddy Kane (I mean this dude already told on himself: "rappers step to me/they wanna get some/but I'm the Kane/so yo, you know the outcome)

Banksy (you could have tied it, your facial 'B', into a new form of street art)

Mr. Belding (Saved By The Bell)

Billy Joe Jive

Bananarama

Bootsy Collins

G.O.B. Bluth (Arrested Development)

Ben & Jerry

Barney (He used to be the f*cking king! Now he's been forced to share his block with Dora, Curious George, The Wiggles, The Teletubbies and The Backyardigans. Shit used to be real sweet for 'The Barnster'. Outside of Sesame Street and Blue's Clues, Barney was the "Don Dada". But when you divide up the kiddie-programming pie, your slice starts looking real small. Maybe Barns is trying to re-invent himself as a new millenium, cuddly, O.G. Hollywood bad boy?

Backyardigans (speaking of which)

Batman (C'mon Ash! This muthaf*cker is a VIGILANTE! You could have pinned all of this sh*t on him! You had that one Ash.....you had that one.)

Bob Saget

October 15, 2008

Prelude To A Butt Analysis




zitibakedbossa: yo son, do you think ol' girl has a "muscle butt"?


BIGFREE: ohhhhhhhh! You talking about Sereez? 


zitibakedbossa: LOL! How you know who I'm talking about? LOL!


BIGFREE: c'mon. ha! everybody been talking about this shit.  and you know thse scandalous bee-yatches r hating cuz shes giving up the snapper to common.  


zitibakedbossa: LOL! you are wild.


BIGFREE: son, thats true shit and you know it. one of my babes was talking about that shit this morning.  she hating cuz shes in love with com and she dont waant to see serena with him. I'm like, man let that girl "do her".  sometimes broads can be hateful ass hoes.


zitibakedbossa: LOL! you're a fucking fool. but you're right.  I don't know what these chicks expect. which one of your chicks was talking shit? Gloria? that chick is fucking ruthless, dude. I think that crazy wench kills small animals in her spare time. shes just mean for NO fucking reason. she act like her parents still give her beatings! LOL! 


BIGFREE: lol! youre stupid! lol.


zitibakedbossa: LOL! Glo is the only 25 yr old chick i know still gettng beatings! how the fuck you letting your parents rock your ass and you old enough to be a fucking grad student?


zitibakedbossa: LOL!


BIGFREE: lol! ha! i didnt say it was Gloria.


zitibakedbossa: was it Gloria?


BIGFREE: not at first.


zitibakedbossa: SEE! gloria did say something though, right? I knew it! that chick kills furry little animals for sport!


zitibakedbossa: that chick probably got a wombat in her apartment right now! she probably holding that muthafucker hostage. I'm telling you son, she kills small furry mammals for shits and giggles.


BIGFREE: actually angie said something first. 


BIGFREE: lol. you r dumb. lol! naw man, she act like an ass sometimes but glo is good people.


zitibakedbossa: angie said something? wow. ang is a cutie, but damn son, shes another one with issues.  shes hardly like gloria, but shes kinda on some ill shit. seriously.


BIGFREE: why you say that?


zitibakedbossa: dude are you serious? get the fuck outta here!


BIGFREE: serious man


zitibakedbossa: remember when we went to see SANTOGOLD? dude I had to lose that chick. santo is my shit and she wasn't gonna kill my buzz. she acted cool on the way there and she acted like an ass once we got there. fuck her. that girl can make your dick go limp at an orgy 


BIGFREE: LOL! chill man. angie is cool. she just has mood swings.  why you gotta be so hard on the babes? damn


zitibakedbossa: i'm just saying, angie used to be my dude. shes one of the only chicks that can reference masta ace and metallica in the same breath. but lately? fuck that. that chick is on some downer type shit. when she gets off that shit we'll be cool again. besides, shes too fucking cute to be all mopey and shit. GET OFF THAT BULLSHIT ANGIE!!!!!! LOL! 


zitibakedbossa: i knew if glo didn't say that serena shit than angie was my next pick


BIGFREE: yeah she said serena had a muscle butt.


zitibakedbossa: wow. i've seen the pics bro. thats a "muscle butt"?  that shit dont look like a muscle butt to me. 


BIGFREE:  hells no! that aint no muscle butt. thats a tussle butt! meaning i'll tussle with that butt!  


zitibakedbossa: LOL! 


BIGFREE: i'm saying   i like it. i like that little black tennis jumper she sports too. 


zitibakedbossa:  oh yeahhhhhhhhhh. that shit is kinda dope. hmmmmm.


BIGFREE: would you smash that? I would. i dig those athletic girls.


zitibakedbossa: hmmmmm. let me look at those pics again.



END OF PART ONE

October 10, 2008

S.O.G. x Converse (Pollock Inspired Remix)


State Of Grace (S.O.G.) x Converse

Remix inspired by the great Jackson Pollock.

Our motivation?

Herbie Hancock. 
Hunter S. Thompson. 
The Filth by Grant Morrison. 
Female Wrestling. 
Entourage.