(Hey's Y'all!!! It be time fo de COONies!) 3dA News
(now with footnotes!)
presents:
Raged Against The Machine
New developments. New projects. New news.
CALLING OUT NAMES
Rrrrrrrr matey......and shiver me timbers! All hands on deck! Prepare the gallows so these lollygaggin' landlovers can gather themselves to walk ye ol' plank! (Thought I'd try the pirate thing. Seems my female compatriots loves that sh*t when Johnny Depp does it.)
Anyhoo....
I'd like to announce the formation of the FIRST ANNUAL COONIE Awards. Yup. I said it......COON-ie Awards. As in: Grammy, Tony, Emmy.........Coonie. It's not my fault. You made it this way. Hey! You want to be a minstrel? Fine. I got you. You want to "shuck"? You want to "jive"? I got you. You really want to be a circus monkey? I see you. And now you're going to get an award for your hard work and all of your strides in the "art of coonery". To paraphrase the words of the great EPMD, "music is outta control". And some of you have been dying to say something, but you won't. Don't worry.......Ziti got you. The great citizens of this country have had enough of this minstrel-ology. We're putting you on blast. And it's not just the lame music programmers at MTV/BET that deserves some of this hellfire. Nosireebob! Some of you local acts been coon-ing it up too. I know......I keep acting up. It's in my blood ese! Viva La Raza!!! To those who've been dancing that jig all over America......we salute you!
Some of the awards presented:
**The MC HAMMER "Dance For Popcorn Chicken" Lifetime Achievement Award"
**The "I'm a Male Rapper and My Earrings look Like Doorknobs" Award
**The "I Can Turn My 5XL White T-Shirt Into A Dress" Award
**The "I'm a Talentless Skank But I Slept With A Record Label Exec To Get My Recording Contract" Award
**The "Notorious B.I.G. is Probably Rolling In His Grave" Award
**The "I Don't Rap, Sing or Dance, I'm Just Part of The Entourage" Award (a.k.a. Glorified Weed Carrier Award)
**The "I Look Thugged Out (mean face) In My Video Because The Record Label Is Bending Me Over" Award
**The "I Used To Be a Third Rate Drug Dealer, But Now I Got A Sneaker Deal" Award
**The "I Should Have Kept My Music On Myspace" Award
The "Laffy Taffy, I Made This Beat On A Fisher Price 'My First Keyboard' " Award
**The "I Look Like I Just Woke Up and Wore This To The Gig" Award (some of you local cats are front runners for this sh*t right here!)
**The "Al Jolson would proclaim me heir to the throne" Award
Why am I doing this? In the words of my dear mother: "I'm so sick of you. No, I really mean it."
Some of you lames have really perverted this great thing we call "music". And some of you prima donna local cats are really going to catch it. Oh, you a star now? You grovel and beg me to buy that drink coaster you call an album, but we always catch you fronting like you're Michael Jackson. C'mon homie, during the day you make sandwiches at Wawa! Oh, but I forgot, you're a superstar. Righhhhhhhhht. Wink Wink. You Liberace-ass herbs will be the first to be put on that Summer Jam screen. People talk, man. They just haven't built up the nerve to call you out. But I'm doing it......and I dare you to say something. I hooked back up with GangGreen and these cats roll deep like ol' school Earth Wind & Fire. "You gotta crew? You better tell em".
Repeat after me: "MYSPACE DOES NOT MAKE ME A SUPERSTAR. I JUST USE IT TO VINDICATE MYSELF FOR BEING WORTHLESS IN HIGH SCHOOL." HAHAHA. Don't get mad. I'm just having fun. See this smile on my face? Ear to ear, baby! [1]
The f#ckin' Wawa.......jeez. [2]
Daddy's going to have to teach you to stop drinking your own pee. Now go outside and break pappy a switch off that tree.
Now I haven't handed out any of these gold statues yet, so get your sh*t together before you get one. And the next time you come to rock a show and you're dressed like a Gym teacher, I'm dead on your ass like Spenser For Hire. (I'm talking pics, reviews, the whole 9). When K. Cobain said "Come As You Are" you took that sh*t way too literally. A bar of Lever 2000 (or Doc Bronners) and some khaki's from the Gap (or Old Navy) never hurt anyone.
Try me if you want.
p.s. I wasn't involved in that ruckus @ "the spot". I threw no chairs. I threw no punches. Do I know those cats? Yes. I was there, SOLO, on my Doug E. Fresh vibe (a.k.a. "coolin in the shade/sippin' the lemonade"). I got an email the next day saying "Yo Ziti, I didn't know you got down like that" You know what? I didn't know I got down like that either, ma......because I don't! Next thing you know, cats are in the street saying "Yo son, Ziti thinks he's thug now son!" Nawwwwwww man. They trying to get me like that got Fabolous.....ahem.....I mean F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S.
There is no G-Unit tank top/bra in my future. I'm a low key dude and my parents raised me better. Besides, I listen to "Self Destruction"[3] at least once a month. Umi says [4].
Like Mary J. Blige, I can love you better.
ziti/zee a.k.a. godZillah [5]
3dA / GangGreen
3dA
.....There's only one disco / don't close one more/ you ain't guarding the door / so what you got a gun for? [6]
Footnotes:
[1] Quote from the movie Boiler Room
[2] I have nothing against Wawa or its employees. IN FACT, MOST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD HOTTIES WORK THERE (second only to Target). I stop there for the $2.14 gas and reasonably priced juice & snacks every morning. That's how I know you work there. Shout out to my girl, Steph.
[3] Classic anti-violence track featuring some of the greatest rappers to ever rock the mic.
[4] Dante/Mos....what the f*ck were you thinking bro? That sh*t is "TrueTragic". I dug "Katrina Clap". But thats where the line is drawn. You need to hook back up with Tek and Kweli and leave Bruce Willis alone!
[5] My new alias. In the flicks, they only unleash Godzilla when there is a problem. Trust me, there's a problem.
[6] MC Lyte (as a rock)
Raged Against The Machine
New developments. New projects. New news.
CALLING OUT NAMES
Rrrrrrrr matey......and shiver me timbers! All hands on deck! Prepare the gallows so these lollygaggin' landlovers can gather themselves to walk ye ol' plank! (Thought I'd try the pirate thing. Seems my female compatriots loves that sh*t when Johnny Depp does it.)
Anyhoo....
I'd like to announce the formation of the FIRST ANNUAL COONIE Awards. Yup. I said it......COON-ie Awards. As in: Grammy, Tony, Emmy.........Coonie. It's not my fault. You made it this way. Hey! You want to be a minstrel? Fine. I got you. You want to "shuck"? You want to "jive"? I got you. You really want to be a circus monkey? I see you. And now you're going to get an award for your hard work and all of your strides in the "art of coonery". To paraphrase the words of the great EPMD, "music is outta control". And some of you have been dying to say something, but you won't. Don't worry.......Ziti got you. The great citizens of this country have had enough of this minstrel-ology. We're putting you on blast. And it's not just the lame music programmers at MTV/BET that deserves some of this hellfire. Nosireebob! Some of you local acts been coon-ing it up too. I know......I keep acting up. It's in my blood ese! Viva La Raza!!! To those who've been dancing that jig all over America......we salute you!
Some of the awards presented:
**The MC HAMMER "Dance For Popcorn Chicken" Lifetime Achievement Award"
**The "I'm a Male Rapper and My Earrings look Like Doorknobs" Award
**The "I Can Turn My 5XL White T-Shirt Into A Dress" Award
**The "I'm a Talentless Skank But I Slept With A Record Label Exec To Get My Recording Contract" Award
**The "Notorious B.I.G. is Probably Rolling In His Grave" Award
**The "I Don't Rap, Sing or Dance, I'm Just Part of The Entourage" Award (a.k.a. Glorified Weed Carrier Award)
**The "I Look Thugged Out (mean face) In My Video Because The Record Label Is Bending Me Over" Award
**The "I Used To Be a Third Rate Drug Dealer, But Now I Got A Sneaker Deal" Award
**The "I Should Have Kept My Music On Myspace" Award
The "Laffy Taffy, I Made This Beat On A Fisher Price 'My First Keyboard' " Award
**The "I Look Like I Just Woke Up and Wore This To The Gig" Award (some of you local cats are front runners for this sh*t right here!)
**The "Al Jolson would proclaim me heir to the throne" Award
Why am I doing this? In the words of my dear mother: "I'm so sick of you. No, I really mean it."
Some of you lames have really perverted this great thing we call "music". And some of you prima donna local cats are really going to catch it. Oh, you a star now? You grovel and beg me to buy that drink coaster you call an album, but we always catch you fronting like you're Michael Jackson. C'mon homie, during the day you make sandwiches at Wawa! Oh, but I forgot, you're a superstar. Righhhhhhhhht. Wink Wink. You Liberace-ass herbs will be the first to be put on that Summer Jam screen. People talk, man. They just haven't built up the nerve to call you out. But I'm doing it......and I dare you to say something. I hooked back up with GangGreen and these cats roll deep like ol' school Earth Wind & Fire. "You gotta crew? You better tell em".
Repeat after me: "MYSPACE DOES NOT MAKE ME A SUPERSTAR. I JUST USE IT TO VINDICATE MYSELF FOR BEING WORTHLESS IN HIGH SCHOOL." HAHAHA. Don't get mad. I'm just having fun. See this smile on my face? Ear to ear, baby! [1]
The f#ckin' Wawa.......jeez. [2]
Daddy's going to have to teach you to stop drinking your own pee. Now go outside and break pappy a switch off that tree.
Now I haven't handed out any of these gold statues yet, so get your sh*t together before you get one. And the next time you come to rock a show and you're dressed like a Gym teacher, I'm dead on your ass like Spenser For Hire. (I'm talking pics, reviews, the whole 9). When K. Cobain said "Come As You Are" you took that sh*t way too literally. A bar of Lever 2000 (or Doc Bronners) and some khaki's from the Gap (or Old Navy) never hurt anyone.
Try me if you want.
p.s. I wasn't involved in that ruckus @ "the spot". I threw no chairs. I threw no punches. Do I know those cats? Yes. I was there, SOLO, on my Doug E. Fresh vibe (a.k.a. "coolin in the shade/sippin' the lemonade"). I got an email the next day saying "Yo Ziti, I didn't know you got down like that" You know what? I didn't know I got down like that either, ma......because I don't! Next thing you know, cats are in the street saying "Yo son, Ziti thinks he's thug now son!" Nawwwwwww man. They trying to get me like that got Fabolous.....ahem.....I mean F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S.
There is no G-Unit tank top/bra in my future. I'm a low key dude and my parents raised me better. Besides, I listen to "Self Destruction"[3] at least once a month. Umi says [4].
Like Mary J. Blige, I can love you better.
ziti/zee a.k.a. godZillah [5]
3dA / GangGreen
3dA
.....There's only one disco / don't close one more/ you ain't guarding the door / so what you got a gun for? [6]
Footnotes:
[1] Quote from the movie Boiler Room
[2] I have nothing against Wawa or its employees. IN FACT, MOST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD HOTTIES WORK THERE (second only to Target). I stop there for the $2.14 gas and reasonably priced juice & snacks every morning. That's how I know you work there. Shout out to my girl, Steph.
[3] Classic anti-violence track featuring some of the greatest rappers to ever rock the mic.
[4] Dante/Mos....what the f*ck were you thinking bro? That sh*t is "TrueTragic". I dug "Katrina Clap". But thats where the line is drawn. You need to hook back up with Tek and Kweli and leave Bruce Willis alone!
[5] My new alias. In the flicks, they only unleash Godzilla when there is a problem. Trust me, there's a problem.
[6] MC Lyte (as a rock)
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