When The Levees Break

What's up Amus?

Haven't holla'd in awhile so I thought that now would be a good time to re-open our lines of communication.

I have to admit, I stopped listening to your albums. Well, I still listen to FRANK. Sometimes I can't help it. It reminds of me of how it used to be; you know---before you became a tooth-losing/cracked out/drunk-in-public spectacle.

Ahem.

Wow. The FRANK LP---those were good times. I remember when you gave me the single for "In My Bed". I was floored. Your jack of Nasir's "Made You Look" had me open. Actually I think I was more amazed by the fact that Salaam "I-Gave-The-Fugees-Their-Hottest-Track" Remi produced a heater for Nasir in 2002 and turned around and gave you the SAME track in 2003. Even greater than that? I couldn't say sh*t---the song was diggy diggy DOPE! Considering the fact that I was kinda disgusted that Nas flipped the beat from "Thief's Theme" and turned around and used it for "Hip Hop Is Dead" (shame on you, Will I. Am). I mean, I'm not against "artistic" beat-jacking---but gottdammit Nas! You jacked your own music for your lead single, ON YOUR VERY NEXT ALBUM....damn you ESCO!!!

I digress. This isn't about Nasty Nas/Nastradamus. This is about you---isn't it, Aim?

[NOTE: I did decipher that you had a "jones" (no pun intended) for Nasir WAYYYY before anyone could put that sh*t together. I mean c'mon; you used his music for your single, on the first album, then on your follow-up album you recorded a song "Me and Mr. Jones". I was all over that shit like gottdamned Magnum P.I. My sleuthing skills are bar none.....with the exception of Shaggy and Scooby.]

Anyhoo......

(BTW, this is really how you use the word "anyhoo". You internet numb nuts need to get your sh*t together)

As I was saying.....

I was feeling you Amus. 'In My Bed' took me back to a time when a young Mary Blige was rocking over break beats. Whereas Mary marked the evolution of "New Jack Swing" to "Hip Hop Soul", you provided "Retro Soul" as an alternative to Bubblegum/Crunk/Insta-Soul music. [Note: I speak of these terms as phases and NOT sub-genres. I will not make the same mistakes Kedar made.]

I remember when you sent me the link to the Ghostface promo. It was a commercial for GFK's 'More Fish' album. I dug the commercial. C'mon, it was Ghost! In the background of the 30 second spot, somebody was singing. Wait a minute....that ain't Ghost (obviously)?!?!

Hold up.....who's that singing in the background?

Commercial.....Ghostface.....background music.....ol' school sounding...female singer....kinda sounds like Shirley Bassey......hold the hell up! Oh Sh*t!!! Amus, that's you!!! Oh snap!!! That's why you sent me the link! Damn, Ziti. Duh?? I stood there, grabbing my heart like Fred G. Sanford.

December 2006. I copped the 'More Fish' album. I listened to "You Know I'm No Good" a million frigging times. A less than stellar 2006 was redeemed with one supreme collab. Ghostface+Wineface? That was the one-two punch of the year.

January 2007. Your peoples at Universal sent me a DVD. Ahhh, I remember it like it was yesterday; I'd just got home and I really wanted to wolf down the hoagie that Monica, from the deli, made for me. Actually, after seeing Monica, I wanted to jump in the shower and......AHEM (dammit Ziti....get a hold of yerfself)!!! Anyway, I popped in the DVD, opened my sandwich and ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shitttttttt!!!!! A video! F*cking Eureka! It was for the song "You Know I'm No Good". Even though this version was Ghost-less, I was stunned, nonetheless.

You looked different since the last time we saw each other. You had an enormous bee-hive. You lost a little weight. You had these crazy, biker chick tattoos. One of your tats even featured a naked woman. That put you in good with one of my babes. She secretly wants to have a lesbian encounter. She doesn't think I know. Shhhhhhh.

I loved you. You were a cross between The Supremes and Alanis Morrisette; You had the flair, image and pipes of Diana and the girls. You had the truth and I-Don't-Give-A-F*ck attitude of Alanis. You were old AND new at the same time. You were going to run the second leg of a race that Erykah, D'Angelo and Jill had started. In the video, you were slinking around in that tub, showing off rug burns to a jilted lover. You could sing (or sang --- i.e. "that heifer Amy Winehouse can SANG"). You were going to raise the bar for these other Nickelodeon pop tart singer hoes.

Maybe that was too much to ask for.

March 2007. The day the album came out, I called one of my birds over to listen to it. You know me---I love impressing the babes with my new and/or obscure musical discoveries. It gets them all worked up. [NOTE: Think I'm lying? The week Charlotte Gainsbourg dropped her album, I saw more snapper than a gynecologist.]

I played the album and honey-dip was open. I didn't tell her who it was, I just had her listen. When I showed her the cover, she was floored. She didn't picture this coming from a white girl Brit. I have to admit, that part was sorta perplexing given the fact that Jamiroquai and Alice Russell gave us some of the strongest soul albums of last 10 years. Aren't they white? Hmmmm.

That day, I knew you were gonna blow. Looking how you looked and singing (or sanging) how you sung, it was inevitable. This sh*t was money in the bank. You released "Rehab" as the proper album single and muthaf*ckers went crazy. I felt the distance between us growing. Even though the general public mistook your song as a tale of you actually going to rehab, I knew what you were saying. It was loud and clear: "Ziti, these Grey Poupon eating muthaf*ckers at the record label want me to hook up with the Black Eyed Peas and do a pop album, so they can play the sh*t on Radio Disney! Fuck that sh*t! They want more Britany and less Aretha. These cock-less bastards are trying to send me back to Pop Music Rehab! No. No. No."

I understood. The Jay-Z remix of "Rehab" didn't understand. But I understood.

They wanted to make you a TRL darling, a pop-infused, Pepsi endorsed, princess. It could have happened, just not in the manner in which they wanted. They pressured you to storm the U.S. They wanted you to "get behind" your albums most radio accesible hit (according to them). There were two songs on the album that could have garnered your album another +2 million in sales: "Just Friends" and "Some Unholy War". While "Just Friends" is personally my favorite sh*t on the album, "Some Unholy War" speaks to something greater. Haven't heard it lately? Take a listen.

Good gravy, Amus! That sh*t is pure genius! The music. The way you sing (or sang) it. The slight tremble in your voice. There is feeling of undoubted sincerity that YOU WILL stand beside him in his 'unholy war'. I, the great Zee-dini, felt that sh*t in my bones. Even as I write this, I have a small tear rolling down my cheek. Damn, Amus. You really love that dude, huh? I feel you. F*ck, no woman ever felt that way about me, not even my own mother. Stand beside me in 'some unholy war'? Sh*ttttttttttttttttttttttttt. The only way my moms would stand beside me is if we were in court and she was the plaintiff and I was the defendant. But, I digress.

Summer 2007. I don't know what in porn f*ck happened to you Aim.

I mean, even though it seemed you were rebelling against your new found fame (stateside), your album ended up selling like 10 million copies. You should be happy right? Maybe you weren't rebelling? Maybe you were just high-as-a-kite and you didn't give a f*ck? One incident had you falling off a stage and losing a tooth. One report had you and ol' boy beating the sh*t out of each other in a hotel room. Other stories said you had damn near overdosed....every other week.

What gives Aim? You were my girl. You weren't supposed to be doing this sh*t! I championed you. I sung your praises. This is how you repay me? Gee...thanks. Your Pops (or was it his Pops?) said to stop supporting your music. Damn. That's a tall order, considering you're one of my faves. They seem to be saying that you're on the brink. They think that any day now you might bite the proverbial dust. Doctors are saying you have developed emphysema due to "excessive crack cocaine smoking". Crack?!?!? Are you f*cking serious? Didn't you see New Jack City? Didn't you see Sam Jackson do the "gator dance" in Jungle Fever? Didn't gott damned Whitney Houston tell us that "crack is wack"? Huh? Didn't she? What in the animal f*ck are you thinking Amus? That sh*t is like RAID---it kills roaches dead!

So, with that said, I'm done. I can't keep supporting this sh*t. I love you Amy Waimy, but here's where we must part. This sh*t has gone on far too long. My heart just can't take no more. As you can see, I didn't post any of your current pics. They are too heart wrenching to bear. If I wanted to see skeletal broads dancing around, I would just watch Mike's "Thriller" video.

Amo, I love you---but until you get your sh*t together...these songs go back on the shelf.

Call me when you get right. I'll be here.....waiting.

Love,

Ziti

p.s. I do give you props for looking halfway healthy/decent at the Grammy's. But one night doesn't make up for the endless nights of pain and anguish. Just like those cops told Eddie in Beverly Hills Cop; I won't fall for the 'banana in the tail pipe' twice.