On The Rocks

NOTE: The following exchange took place in a bagel spot...somewhere.

Ziti: Diddy says Ross is the new Biggie Smalls.

Jose: F*ck outta here!

Ziti: (laughs) You're wild!

Jose: I'm not fucking with Diddy anyway. Last year we were partying, a bottle of Ciroc was $14. Now a bottle is $40! F*ck outta here!

Ziti: (laughs)

Jose: That sh*t isn't Goose! That sh*t isn't Belvedere! What the f*ck Diddy?! I mean---does it come with some free sh*t?

Is the bottle autographed by Carl Thomas? Does it come with a Best of Bad Boy mixtape? Does it come with a Dirty Money/Diddy Beats t-shirt? $40 for that?! I want a gift-with-purchase!

And the sad thing is, people are going to buy it because it's more expensive now. F*ck outta here!

Ziti: That's how dudes roll. Raise the price on some average sh*t and watch the "ballers" come out of the woodwork.

Jose: That's just something for ghetto dudes to buy, to impress those dirty birds in the club. You raise the price on something, some ghetto ass is going to buy it because they think it's the "thing to do".

Ziti: Right.

Jose: I'm saying--that's not a premium liquor. It's vodka with juice in it.

Ziti: (laughs) You're killing me. You are f*cking stupid!

Jose: You know why I drink Goose?

Ziti: Why's that?

Jose: I like my Vodka made by faceless motherf*ckers. I don't wanna see the chairman of my Vodka company on the gottdamn BET awards. Talking about, "Hello. Good morning." F*ck outta here!

I like my liquor made by motherf*ckers who wear suits everyday. I like my liquor made by motherf*ckers who put Grey Poupon on their sandwiches. I don't want my liquor's CEO on stage---dancing---with a fog machine and special effects.

Ziti: Sometimes, dude does something and I'll think, "smart". Other times? I don't know. But you know what? Everybody's entitled to a little ebb and flow.

Jose: That's cool. Just don't try and f*ck me on the price of liquor, man.

Ziti: You'd never see the CEO of Ocean Spray doing that.