Top Ten of 2009 - Major Lazer "Pon De Floor"

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor"

Stop and stutter beats? Check.

Crazy art direction? Check.

Insane video that makes absolutely NO sense? Check.

An imaginary Jamaican superhero, with a gun for an arm? Check.

Dancehall tunes that turns chicks into scandalous wenches? Check. Check. Check.

Major Lazer (comprised of Diplo and Switch, producers of M.I.A. and Santigold) scores with this track. Not only does it bang, but the video may get you side-eye looks while viewing at work.

Crazy. All the way around.

From the album, Guns Don't Kill People, Lazers Do (Downtown Records).

Top Ten of 2009 - Colin Munroe feat. Joell Ortiz "Piano Lessons"

Colin Munroe - Piano Lessons

I must've rocked this a million times since I heard it.

Maybe it's the voice EFX that's not quite Auto-Tune?

Or maybe it's Black Milk channeling the late great Dilla?

Or maybe it's the theme of giving the finger (very nicely) to your detractors?

Whatever.....it's a heater.

From the mixtape, Colin Munroe Is The Unsung Hero.

Top Ten of 2009 - Method Man + Redman "Mrs. International"

Meth & Red and a visual from the highly slept-on Blackout 2. Classic joints on this album.

"Mrs. International"? I wish I would've wrote this song. Damn.

Lyrically, you can never go wrong with Red & Meth.

Cameo by "The Green-Eyed Bandit" Erick Sermon.

This goes out to all the beautiful ladies.

[Note: Top Ten not in any particular order.....outside of there being ten of them.

Ahem.]

Mayer Hawthorne - "Maybe So Maybe No"

Since we're saluting Teddy P., I wanted to drop a gem from last year. The connection to Mr. Pendergrass? The intro of this song has a strong nod to "Wake Up Everybody" from Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes. From MH's album, A Strange Arrangement (Stones Throw).

Dope.

Play.

Repeat.

You & Me

The above song by Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes; sung by the incredible talent---Mr. Teddy Pendergrass. Sometimes the kids need to turn on the radio and hear songs like these.

Wake Up Everybody.

Everybody.

Teddy Pendergrass

March 26, 1950 – January 13, 2010

Lemons, Lemonade, Lemonheads.

To you kids at home,

The following is the statement that Conan O'Brien released in the aftermath of NBC's decision to return Jay Leno to his former 11:30 time slot.

This is how you handle a f*cked up situation. Read up. Take notes. Quiz tomorrow.

p.s. Conan, you really are a gangster.

Conan O'Brien statement. 01/12/2010.

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

Alaina Reed

Alaina Reed-Amini

1946-2009

Alaina Reed. Known as "Olivia" on Sesame Street and "Rose" on 227. A staple of my TV fueled childhood. God bless.

Georgia Anne Muldrow - Run Away

GAM's first single "Run Away" from the LP EARLY.

Probably my favorite singer of the "modern" era.

Play. Support.

Bullets & Bagels

The following:

Text: IM chat

TOD: Morning.

Where: somewhere in America

Who: Jose/Ziti

zitibakedbossa: What up son?

JoseJoseJose: chillin. you?

zitibakedbossa: what's up? I think I left my zune cable at your res.

JoseJoseJose: yeah. I got it

zitibakedbossa: good look

zitibakedbossa: bagels this morning?

JoseJoseJose: yessir! panera?

zitibakedbossa: yep. your babe usually works in the a.m.

JoseJoseJose: oh word? Nice. I'm going to hav to get splashy. lol

zitibakedbossa: you're wild. you know what I miss? a couple of winters ago they had the tomato bisque. Son! That shit was like liquid pizza! I used to run in there with this bird I knew.

JoseJoseJose: bisque?

zitibakedbossa: yeah. bisque.

JoseJoseJose: zee youre a funny guy. bisque? what hood dude eats bisque? youre kinda uppity. lol

zitibakedbossa: fuck you. lol. Actually, double fuck you. lol.

JoseJoseJose: Go ahead with your bisque story you uppity muthafucker. lol.

zitibakedbossa: ya mama is an uppity muthafucker. take that.

JoseJoseJose: go ahead with your story man.

zitibakedbossa: wasn't a story. they just had this bisque and the shit was good.

JoseJoseJose: I thought you said there was a babe involved?

zitibakedbossa: ohhhhhhhhhh. I was saying that I used to fly in there with this babe---when they had the bisque.

JoseJoseJose: you was f***ing her?

zitibakedbossa: Nah son. She was fine, but that would have been a whole bunch of problems. She was just my bisque buddy.

JoseJoseJose: She was hot? fuck that. she would have been my butt buddy. lol. lol.

JoseJoseJose: who was it?

zitibakedbossa: Miranda.

JoseJoseJose: the puerto ricn chick? what the fuck? are you serious? that girl is baddddddddd. I would have been all over that!

zitibakedbossa: Ha! you're stupid. Oh, she's dope. just not worth the trouble. I'm good.

JoseJoseJose: Youre good? Nah muthafucker you ain't good, you're gay!

zitibakedbossa: Gay! Fuck you. Ya mama's gay. Ya mama's gay like Ellen. Ya mama's gay like Billie Jean King.

JoseJoseJose: lol

JoseJoseJose: fuck you.

zitibakedbossa: LOL! Why I gotta be gay, just because I didn't give the chick the business? Some shit just ain't worth it. Some chicks are just nice to look at.

JoseJoseJose: Yeah. Youre right.

JoseJoseJose: You sure you aint gay?

JoseJoseJose: lol

zitibakedbossa: Is ya mama gay? Matter of fact, isn't your girl gay? On the low? Isn't she just using you as a "moustache"? LOL.

zitibakedbossa: I bet that chick eats more rug than a fucking dust mite! LOL. she's gay like a sunny day!

JoseJoseJose: lol. she ain't gay. TRUST ME.

zitibakedbossa: trust DEEZ. You guys arent f***ing. You get your nails done together, thats it. The only thing you're doing together is picking out a clear coat for the mani/pedi.

zitibakedbossa: LOL

zitibakedbossa: LOL

zitibakedbossa: LOL

zitibakedbossa: LOL

zitibakedbossa: LOL

JoseJoseJose: lol. your funny. Whatever man. All Im saying is that you have the babe in the palm of your hand and you dont go the extra mile.

zitibakedbossa: keyword="extra".

zitibakedbossa: dude, are we getting bagels or what?

JoseJoseJose: Yeah. be there in 15.

zitibakedbossa: Cool.

JoseJoseJose: Hey if we see Miri, I'll break the news of your gayness to her. lol.

zitibakedbossa: Hey, If we see ya mama I'll break the news of her gayness to her. NEWS FLASH: "This just in: JOSE'S MOM GAY LIKE A FEMALE RAPPER.....NEWS AT 11!"

zitibakedbossa: LOL!

JoseJoseJose: we got the same mom.

zitibakedbossa: fuck you, clear coat.

The END.

When Sharks Eat Sushi

The following is something that I wrote for THEKOSPOT.com. I deviated a bit from what I normally write. I like it.

When Sharks Eat Sushi

by Zee Johnson

You let these miserable bastards devour your art. You let these spineless number crunchers invade your past time. You let these philistines ram a shotgun up your nostril.

Click.

You let the soul extractors dine on the remaining bits of your malnourished souls. The sharks circle your lifeboat. They are deciding which limb to suck the meat off [of] first.

What you just read was the last 10 to 15 years of your sport.....or the synopsis of a B-grade horror movie.

Boxing is a brutal sport.

Like Hockey.

Like Football.

Like Rugby.

Like Swordplay.

Boxing is a brutality redefined as a skilled and graceful art. The problem is that the brutality of the sport exists not only in the ring, but in the admin of the sport itself. The glamour and the biz of the sport is so drained that it has become just as ugly and mangled as the sport itself. It has become a sacrificed beast; bleeding and whining its way to a slow and cold death. If the people that run your sport are more animalistic than the events of the sport itself, its demise becomes a spectacle without grace or respect. The beasts in the 3 piece suits cash out...........

These are the sharks, Ladies and Gentlemen. They have come to the table to eat your finely prepared sushi.....the bastards.

They haven't always been bastards or have they? Matter of fact, they have always been bastards---you just didn't see it.....as much.

When they had Ali, they did everything in their power to preserve sport and show.

When they had Sugar Ray (Leonard), they had an articulate, intelligent and technical fighter. They loved it (notice I didn't say "they loved him"; the sharks don't love anyone). They loved his packaging. He was good for business.

When they had Tyson, they had a ruthless, take no prisoners gladiator. He was strong and concussive. He could hit you 25 times in 5 seconds. He could knock you down in less than 2 minutes. That was bankable sport for them. Their enthusiasm to "get behind" that was inexplicable. Tyson was ancient Rome set to Hip Hop music.

After DeLa Hoya, they let it go. "Golden Boy". He was strong, cut, young and beautiful. He was the equivalent of a boxing Adonis. From there, they signed off. They just left it----and so did I. I left. There was no spirit. It was a loose, incredible mess. When I referenced people, who were deep in the trenches of the sport, it seemed they knew just as much as I did. Their knowledge was just as confounded and convoluted as mine; a boxing exile. This thing became hodgepodge. It was a pile. You have a sport with 3 or 4 ruling sanctions, but one of them isn't really "official" or some such? Lines and sport history seemed blurred. Tyson lost one belt, then he had no belts. Then what the hell happened to Holyfield and Foreman? And that's just the heavyweight division. Roy Jones was a star one minute, the next minute he doesn't box and he's producing rap albums. It's like if you miss one bout you come back to a vastly different sport.

Coverage of the sport is damn near non-existent. Unless something truly magnificent happens, TV news of the sport is scarce. It hardly requires front page status in the sports page. There is no 5 Star publication on the stands that details the sport in its glory. The last boxing magazine I read looked like a second rate fanzine cobbled together by junior high school kids.

See, you just don't get it. There is no red carpet roll out of your sport. There is no glossy rag with posters of your favorite pugilists. There are no front page spread of last nights knockout punch. There are no dramatic replays on ESPN....well.....maybe a little.

The sharks left. They ate the fucking sushi and they hauled ass. Now your sport is a lifeless carcass. No one is a bona fide "star". There is no parade. There is no King trumpeting this sport. Who is the squared ring superhero knocking out bums with force/pleasure?

Gottdammit, sharks!!! We need you....sort of.

We need the news coverage. We need the magazine pull-out poster. We need to lock down the sports page of USA Today! We need boxing movies, other than Clint making movies about trailer park wenches who can't take a left hook. C'mon you sharks (disguised as agents)! Do your god forsaken job! We need you sharks (disguised as promoters) to gather a bastion of new fighters whose skin is titanium and whose diction is good enough to be on Charlie Rose. We need you sharks (disguised as organization exec's) to wrangle your varying leagues together as one cohesive entity.

But heed my warning sharks:

Nurture the butter you churn. It keeps you in business. It keeps fighters eager. It keeps venue holders happy. It keeps fans intrigued and faithful. Nurture your damned sport. This shit pile is a significant mess. There is plenty for everyone. You don't have to devour your meal like a fucking heathen. And clean up your mess.

Fucking sharks.